Column 1

It’s About How You Live

Lynn Bonde, Executive Director

This is the first of what we hope will be a series of monthly columns talking about life and how we see it unfolding from our perspective here at Calvert Hospice.  When I say to someone that I work at Hospice, I usually get two responses.  The first, from those who have never had a personal experience with hospice, is often something like, “Oh, it must be such depressing work.  How do you do it?”  I take these encounters as a wonderful opportunity to begin the process of educating the world about hospice, one listener at a time.  I explain that working at hospice is, yes, sometimes sad, but more often deeply satisfying and fulfilling.  We are charged with the task of caring for our patients and their families and to prepare them for the death of their loved one.  Hospice gives us a chance to get to know families in a uniquely intimate way, at a time when feelings are sharp and close to the surface.  It is a great privilege that we honor seriously.

One way to explain this role from our perspective is to talk about midwives.  When a family is expecting a new arrival, they have nine months to prepare, plan, dream, and begin to adapt to the presence of a new member.  The midwife comes in toward the end to support the family and help usher this new person into the arms of her family and into the world.  At hospice, we see the same process at the end of life, as a member of the family is preparing to leave.  Our role, as midwives at the end of life, if you will, is to help the family prepare, to offer comfort during their times of sadness, fear, and grief, and to help the loved one who is living his or her last days be as comfortable as possible.  “After all,” I usually end these little speeches by saying, “this is going to happen whether we are there or not.  And we believe that we can be helpful if we are there.” 

I know the truth of those words because the second response I usually get when I say I work at hospice is from those who have had their own experience with hospice care, either here in Calvert County, or elsewhere.  Their response is almost always a small smile and an expression of gratitude.  Most usually, I hear a variation on the theme, “We could not have done it without you.”  I’m always so pleased to hear this kind of compliment, because it means that our staff in the field, the nurses, home health aides, social workers, chaplain and volunteers, are making a real difference in the lives of the families we serve.  But I always try to express our own thanks for the opportunity to have provided care.  Being with the family during this time is a privilege.

It is our hope that over the months these columns will offer helpful information about life.  We will be sharing some of our stories and talking about advance directives, in connection with National Advance Directives month, the process of grieving losses, especially during the holidays, and about the many support services for caregivers and family members available throughout Calvert County.  We would also like to know about those topics you might wish us to address.  I look forward to hearing from you at the Hospice or at lbonde@calverthospice.org.